Welcome to day 6 of our Mental Health Module. Today is an important day. All of us have something in common. We have a past, and one that has its share of wrong turns, wrong decisions, sins, mistakes, and hurtful words and actions against others. These wrongs weigh us down with guilt and have hurtful consequences for us and our future. Many who are coming into recovery are acutely aware of their mistakes. They know not only what they have done wrong, but the character flaws within themselves that allowed those things to happen. Others need to spend more time reflecting on their character to see more clearly. In either case writing them down in black and white is vitally important.
Maybe you have been in the rooms of a 12-step program and made it to step 4 which is making a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Perhaps this is the first time you have ever heard of it. The big book of Alcoholics Anonymous describes the step 4 work as fact finding and fact facing (Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous, p.65). The Big Book compares this inventory to that of what a commercial company would do. It says: a business that takes no regular inventory usually goes broke. Here is a link to the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous as were posted in the first Module.
SMF-121_en - The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous
Do you remember the inventory of characteristics that were true to who you were, and characteristics and behaviors that didn’t reflect who you were in the 1st module a few weeks ago? If you made that list, pull it out. It will help you here. If you didn’t, not to worry. You will have a chance to do that here in today’s Suggested Action Step. In fact, breaking down the various elements of the moral inventory is what this lesson is all about. The previous inventory had 2 columns. This one will have 4 columns. They are
Resentments, Fears, Sexual Conduct, Harms to Others
If you have already done this within a 12-step program, great! Now would be an appropriate time to review yours. If not, or if it wasn’t as thorough as you would like, you can do it here with these instructions. The following site will help to simplify the process. Ctrl + Click the link below, download and print the 4 worksheets that coordinate to the four columns, follow the instructions, and fill them out. The Fourth Step is an important action steps towards PHYSICAL and EMOTIONAL sobriety.
https://step12.com/step-4.html
There are excellent explanations about each of the areas included on your moral inventory within the worksheets. Your work and efforts to be as honest as possible during this step and process is so valuable. If you haven’t already, go ahead and print out those sheets. If you do not have access to a printer, you can write the 4 headings at the top of a piece of paper:
- Resentments
- Fears
- Sexual Conduct
- Harms to Others
Then, follow the instructions on the worksheets, writing your responses in each column. Be sure to keep this inventory in a safe place away from others. This is a private inventory for you. The names you will be writing down are sensitive information and should be treated as such. When you are finished with your Step 4 inventory (either today or in the days ahead), this will lead you into step 5. Having made a fearless and moral inventory: “admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” We will talk more about step 5 in one of the upcoming modules.
Resentment
Let’s look at the first area of the moral inventory, resentment, in more detail. Webster’s definition of resentment is as follows:
a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will
at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury.
Do you have any displeasure or ill-will towards anyone? When doing my inventory, I had an extensive list of people I experienced some sort of ill-will towards. People that had wronged me in some way, or people that I perceived had wronged me.
You see, holding on to unforgiveness for wrongs against us, leads to resentment. This bitterness eats away at us, causing us mental stress and even physical distress too. The resentment is intended at getting revenge against the person, or justice for the person, but it really serves to hurt us. We can’t change the past, and two wrongs don’t make a right. Acting out in anger due to resentments will certainly make our situation worse. Let’s listen to Jordan Peterson again as he talks about the dangers of resentments.
Watch Video Now
The ideas that Peterson puts forth in this video are very useful for us here in our being in touch with resentments and this idea of being oppressed or oppressing others. He says it is important to be forgiving when someone says something wrong or offends us the first time. If it happens a second and a third time though, we need to address it, and say something. We don’t want to play the victim, stuffing it in, and becoming oppressed. That will breed anger and bitterness, he says. He also shares that being willing to listen to others who think differently than we do is really useful. If we only associate with people who think like we do, we are not likely to learn much of anything about ourselves. After all, taking a keen interest in our fellow human beings is very helpful to letting go of negative “stinking thinking” that accompanies the addiction process.
Study Tip Reading the instructions and going through the 5 worksheets https://step12.com/step-4.html for the 4th step inventory will be a very valuable part of your sobriety and recovery. I wish you all the best in this work. If you haven’t already, click the link now.
***Remember, there is no perfect way to reflect on our wrongs and write them down in this inventory process. Just get started! Some of what has been holding you back is a lack of coming clean with these attitudes and past actions. You are on your way to being 100 lbs. lighter!!***
Question for Reflection: What did you find most helpful about the moral inventory sheet? What is most challenging for you about doing a moral inventory?
Helpful Links
For further study:
12 Steps and 12 Traditions
12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson