Today’s lesson centers around the people, places, things, emotions, conditions, and other dynamics that “trigger” or set us off onto a path to drink or use. You may be coming out of an argument with someone, or in your conversation with them some of your expectations were not met. Or, you may be daydreaming about your future and drift off into a bit of a fantasy which gets you antsy and wanting to go out somewhere to change the air. Or, a friend starts talking about drinking. It could be almost anything really that sets you off. Sometimes triggers show up in those waves of emotion that we discussed a few weeks ago. The waves come (perhaps with negative emotions and other baggage), and then they go. So, if you don’t follow that wave, then in a way it actually isn’t a trigger at all! It is something you can see as an emotion or association with your past, or with someone else’s future! You can stand in the moment and keep on track (high five)! The changes you go through in recovery sometimes simply leave you feeling bored! “How do I handle boredom?”
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Have you ever looked at life as a scientist or a researcher? Don’t just past the time “being bored.” Really look at what is going on around you, down to the little details. I have a friend who is really good at this! I will be in a hurry getting to the next place, you know point A to point B, staying focused on the goal. This is often very good, practical, and logical. She, on the other hand, will stop and notice the birds singing, the ladybug crawling on a flower, the heart-shaped rocks on the ground, etc…There’s no end to the details to be noticed. There is a peace and serenity she has that often amazes me. Following her example, I am much more aware of my surroundings now. I stop to take deep breaths and look up to see the clouds or the moon. Not howling at the moon though!!
HALT: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired.
This is an acronym to describe when people may be more at risk to use. When you are aware that this is happening, you can act to make sure you don’t get into or stay in these conditions. When you feel stress and urges increasing, ask yourself if you are experiencing one of these.
Am I hungry?
Am I angry?
Am I Lonely?
Am I tired?
I often have to remind myself to drink a glass of water! Or, just take a shower and go to bed. The world will go on without me while I rejuvenate in sleep! Morning is always an awesome feeling after a good night’s sleep.
- Other triggers we have already talked about. Riding out negative emotions (not pushing them in or pretending you don’t have them). These feelings are normal to life.
- Stress can take many forms. Find ways to reduce stress.
- Another trigger can be over-confidence in your recovery.
“I have been sober for a while now, I am doing fine, it won’t hurt to go out there for one night, one drink, one whatever.” OOOps!!
Trust me, I know from personal experience that being overconfident about where I am leads to a fall. Every time. Stay humble and redirect.
- Stay away from places socially where drugs are available; parties, restaurants, bars. Stay away from old neighborhoods.
- Looking back at past drug use and “glamorizing it,” not remembering the pain it caused is a bad sign.
- New romantic relationships can also be a trigger. We talked about the benefits of staying out of a relationship during recovery in the module on The Importance of Relationships. Also, you may transfer your substance abuse addiction to an addiction of the person, or sex.
This sideways transferring of addictions is very common. Stopping one and transferring it into something else. Good to be aware of this. Yesterday the video talked about connection. Avoid being overly isolated. We live in community and need to have connections. When we get sober, our connections need to come with other people who are sober. Be a good example for those around you. Some of your best friendships may develop in recovery meetings or with others committed to sobriety. Friends that you used to just hang out and get messed up with may see how well you are doing and be inspired to make changes to!
Step 10 – Alcoholics Anonymous
“Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.”
The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says this about Step Ten:
As we work the first nine Steps, we prepare ourselves for the adventure of a new life. But when we approach Step Ten we commence to put our A.A. way of living to practical use, day by day, in fair weather or foul. Then comes the acid test: can we stay sober, keep in emotional balance, and live to good purpose under all conditions?
It says when we were wrong, promptly admitted it. If we blurt something out in anger or with some attitude and we then realize that is was out of bounds, we should quickly acknowledge the fact and apologize to the other person. Or, if we have some wrong thinking about someone else and its looping around in our head, we should consciously stop, and find a way to practice gratitude.
Staying aware and being open, honest, and willing to “raise our hand” saying, “I did it,” is a really good sign that you are progressing and growing in this new walk. This testimony on Step Ten says it better than I can!!
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Wasn’t that awesome! Now there’s a man who’s taking responsibility for his life! He is honest with himself and others. He recognizes his need for continual helps and is staying aware of his thinking and his actions. He mentioned various things that can lead to relapse. Keeping an ongoing personal inventory is so helpful, whether formally writing it down, or knowing by feeling when something isn’t right and dealing with it.
That’s a good place to stop for today. Keep listening, keep believing, and keep looking up!
Question for Reflection: All of us are a work in progress. We are always learning more and making improvements. If you had to ask a best friend or mentor what your biggest strength was, what would they say? Your area for needed improvement?
Helpful Links
Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous