An overly critical attitude of ourselves or others leads to negative self-talk, discouragement and fuel for addiction behaviors. Is that really how we want to live? Are we in some contract that says we have to be hard on ourselves and others? NO, of course not! Can we respond to emotional pain and difficult circumstances with knowledge and understanding? Can we incorporate a flexible and loving attitude toward ourselves instead?
If you take a snapshot of your life right now and stare at the picture, will it reveal a person that you are proud of? Can you smile back at that person? Realize our lives are not a static snapshot set in stone. We have structure and rules in order to find freedom. Life is dynamic! It is moving, changing, and what lies ahead is better than what is behind us. We will have hills to climb, yes. There are challenges and trials, yes. No matter how inadequate we may feel remember you are loved and worthy of love!
Word of Encouragement: You are doing so well in the 24/7 Sobriety Success Educational Series! You have come far and are gaining valuable and life-saving tools. Let’s review the material you have gone through this last week.
Day 1 – Elements of Self-Compassion
Author Kristen Neff shared the three main elements/comparisons of self-compassion.
- Self-kindness vs. Self-judgment. People who practice self-kindness lean towards tenderness in difficult times. There is an acknowledgment of going through something difficult. Yes, this is not easy! Now what?
- Common humanity vs. Isolation. No man is an island! We are connected. In going through trial resist the thought that it is just me. Others are going through what you are too.
- Mindfulness vs. Over-identification. This brings out the importance of being aware of what’s really happening and what you are feeling and not stuffing the emotions down! Don’t deny. Exaggerating emotions can pull you sideways also! Hang in there and face what’s ahead with courage!
Day 2 – Perfectly Imperfect
Day 2 brought us down a path that helps us let go, be vulnerable, and take action!
The “flaws” and imperfections we get hung up on and obsess about
can be seen in light of the truth that we are all imperfect. Insisting on perfection
in this way is a reflection of fear rather than love. Here is a topic review for day 2.
- Analog vs. Digital. Analog refers to the actual sound waves in music or the pencil to paper drawings of the artist. With digital media, mistakes can be edited out. With analog what is there is there.
- Nature is analog. It comes in all shapes and variations. It is messy yet perfectly structured. The beauty of nature is not something to be controlled but appreciated.
- The lesson from Good Will Hunting with the dialogue between Robin William’s character and Matt Damon’s character. They discussed the little flaws and imperfections of those we enter into relationships with. We should not expect perfection from them any more than we should expect it from ourselves.
- The P.H.D. Dr. Max shot a video from Hawaii about being imperfect. He showed his courage by going ahead with his English blog even though his language skills were far less than ideal. He took the risk of being ridiculed. He chose to be brave and act. He inspires us to put good thoughts and ideas into action.
We can choose to look on the surface and judge ourselves and others by what we see or we can look deeper into the heart of people. The principle of practicing self-kindness over self-judgment wins the day here!
Day 3 – The Truth About Suicide
Life is a gift. Sometimes, walking through its valleys we come upon especially rough waters. We can be sure that we are not walking alone. There are many excellent suicide prevention resources including the Suicide Prevention Resource Center (SPRC) http://www.sprc.org Phone: 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
- The Day’s lesson included a series of 3 videos. The first being from a group of teenagers speaking out with a sense of urgency that we might step forward and talk to those who may be at risk of self-harm. Ask them directly: “Are you thinking about killing yourself?”
- The next video was by Kevin Briggs, a 24-year California Highway Patrolman who has been called to intervene 100’s of times at the Golden Gate Bridge to talk people down. He only lost 2 people.
- The third video was Kevin Hines. He survived the jump off the bridge. He is among the 1-2% that survive. He knew the split second after he jumped that he had made the biggest mistake of his life.
- The lesson talked about communication keys and the need to empathize with someone struggling. Affirm what they are feeling. Let them know that you will be there with them every step of the way.
- We looked into the great work that Eric’s House in Phoenix, AZ. is doing to counsel those individuals and families that have lost someone suddenly due to drugs or suicide. There is one-on-one counseling, group counseling, and spiritual direction offered that bring hope in the midst of tragedy. They understand that recovery needs support. They have placed themselves in the gap for those in need. ericshouse.org
Finally, we looked at how suicide impacts others. It is not just one person being affected. Dozens if not hundreds of people are negatively impacted by the loss of a single person’s life due to suicide or drug overdose.
Question for Reflection: What are the qualities of marbles vs. grapes? Which would you rather be like?
Watch Video Now
Billy Ward, ex-Baltimore Ravens Quarterback– Ted Talk
How to Love and Be Loved
Day 4 – A Heart-Healthy Lifestyle
A heart-healthy lifestyle includes what you eat, what you think, what you see and hear, physical exercise, and the healthy use of the imagination.
- The flow of putting thought into action is key to productivity and general health.
- Eating well means eating for nutrition, not to satisfy emotional stress.
- Doing a regular low-impact exercise routine like daily walking in the morning or evening helps clear the stresses of the day and brings clarity to your thoughts.
- Doing things that both lower stress and anxiety and improve strength and health is a 2-for-1. You get multiple benefits!
- What we take in through sight and sound can greatly change mood, attitude, and our energy levels. Listen to energizing and peaceful music. View images that are healthy and uplifting.
- Using your imagination through reading or meditation strengthens your brain and can bring a deep sense of enjoyment as well as transfer knowledge.
Day 5 – A Voice in the Dark
In this lesson I shared some personal testimony of entering into incarceration with the hope and the sure and certain knowledge that I was not going into that dark place alone. Being open to this truth, I could be used as an instrument to help others. The short book Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach tells the story through word and illustrations of a seagull who was tired of staying close to the shore in the shallows scavenging for food. His desire was to soar! To go out in the deep waters and learn to dive, to turn, to experience what he was capable of. He decided to come free of the bondages and expectations of others and listen to the voice of wisdom within.
Day 6 – Loving Your Future Self
Loving your future self involves listening to the voice of wisdom as well. It acknowledges that you will be better, stronger, more refined, more capable, more honest, and have more integrity as you learn.
- We watched the 7-minute video from Jordan Peterson about forming a relationship with Being and your future self.
- Heard about being motivated to act in the here and now in a way that considers the whole, healthy, and enlightened being of your future.
- Adding structure and discipline and not procrastinating is loving your future self.
- Prioritizing and setting small goals is loving your future self.
- Being practical and believing is loving your future self.
I hope you are having a good day today. I hope you are experiencing the strength and hope of positive changes and a life well lived. I hope the good work you are doing and the decisions you are making are bearing fruit. I know that sometimes we run into rough waters and can get overwhelmed. Don’t be discouraged! Be tender and kind to yourself. Yes, you may be having a really hard time right this very moment. Own that fact. Acknowledge that. Be kind and forgiving to yourself. You are not alone. There is a way through. Love is perhaps the greatest of things in this life. It is sometimes tough to live by its guidelines, but it will never fail. Keep getting back up, looking up, and reaching out.
Helpful Links
How to Change Your Future: Jeremy Hunter at TEDx Orange Coast