Rites of Passage
Many cultures have clear rites of passage that help people go from adolescence to adulthood. Some call for people to go out into nature for a period of days or even weeks or longer and discover how to survive. Other cultures take the men on the verge of adulthood and separate them from their mothers. This again is for the person to learn how to stand on their own two feet, independently from the nurture of mom. Others will go on some sort of altruistic mission trip, or travel to a foreign country. One of the common transitions is to leave home for college or to be married and start a family. These events mark young men’s and women’s lives in a way that establishes them as fully responsible members of society, often encouraging them to seek out a positive vision for their lives and to pursue that with integrity and confidence.
Our society has gotten away from having clear rites of passage from adolescence to adulthood. Yet, the need for them has not diminished. Replacements such as having your first drink, getting drunk, getting into fights, sexual intercourse, and other events point the way toward the need to be independent, but do not inform young generations as to their roots, or how to manage emerging needs and emotions responsibly.
You may be one who has not gone through clear rites of passage into a strong mature and positive vision of adulthood. If so, you are not alone! Our culture is highly focused on taking action and keeping busy. There are thousands of choices of hobbies, clubs, apps, and organizations we can dedicate our time to, not to mention our money. It is good to remember though that we are human beings, not human doings! We want to make informed choices that reflect who we are and are not based simply on going through the motions or acting out of default.
Living Intentionally
Living intentionally and honoring our God-given talents, abilities, and desires leads to a fruitful life. Are your choices of daily activities a reflection of what is most truly important to you? There are some wonderful benefits in taking inventory on where we have been, and where we are now, that will help us move into the place of where we need to be next.
In this inventory process, it is vital to clarify your self-image. Who are you? Addictive behavior and the negative stigmas of “being an addict” can discourage us from staying with our new course of sobriety. But it’s important to remember that people struggling with addictions are just like everyone else. Not everyone has addictions, but everyone does have some kind of emotional problem or problems they deal with (Dodes). Some insist that “addicts” are lazy, stupid, or weak. This is simply not true. Addiction is a psychological symptom for dealing with emotional life puts individuals dealing with addiction right in the mainstream of humanity.
Suggested Action Step
Open to a fresh page. I want you to make two columns. At the top of the first column, write Characteristics of Who I Truly Am. At the top of the second column write. Things That Prevent Me From Being Who I Truly Am. Characteristics include things like being loving, persevering, hopeful, having integrity, being honest, funny, a good listener, etc… See if you can come up with at least 10 characteristics and write them down. Then, see what comes to mind in thinking about what prevents you from living by those qualities? It could be anything from lack of self-confidence, critical friends, bad sleeping habits, the tendency to procrastinate, or anything else that comes to your mind. Write those responses in the second column.
Doing this writing exercise, putting it down on paper, can help us to see what is most important to us, and to re-focus our attention on strengthening those characteristics within ourselves. Becoming aware of what is getting in the way helps tremendously.
Intentionally focusing on doing what is genuine will bring clarity. Take your time. Spend about 10 minutes doing this, then continue the lesson.
Step 3 - Alcoholics Anonymous
Having admitted in Step one of Alcoholics Anonymous that we were powerless over alcohol (opiates, cocaine, marijuana, sex, food, etc…), and come to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity in step 2, we are brought to Step 3.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to
the care of God as we understood him.
Some at first have trouble with this step because of various feelings about religion, or because they do not believe in God. This step though is not about a religious obligation, it is meant to help you rely on something other than yourself to help you abstain from drinking and using.
This step is equivalent to moving from the driver’s seat in the car to the back seat. Now, you are not driving down the old streets with the old people to the old places. Now you are taking a back seat and allowing your life to be led by God as you understand him or will come to understand him.
Life gives us so many opportunities to learn from our experiences. Our past can teach us many things. When we get off track and need a correction course, it is helpful to remember that those things of our past that are not working, or that bring us down, do not have to dictate our future choices. We can enter into a new season of our lives with small steps in the right direction and a few big steps too! Look forward to embracing all the great and wondrous possibilities that lie ahead. Truly grace and mercy are made new for us every day.
Question for Reflection: Recall and journal about someone who helped you become more mature. How were they instrumental in helping you form your beliefs and way of acting?
Helpful Links
A Drunks Tale from a Living Hell to Freedom: A Message of Hope for Alcoholics and Their Families
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25861777-a-drunks-tale-from-a-living-hell-to-freedom