Hello, welcome back. This is the day 6 lesson in the first module-First Steps. Today we are going to look at some key factors in maintaining sobriety and getting a clearer viewpoint. There are many misconceptions about addictions and those suffering from them as discussed in the day 4 “Healthy Self-Image” tutorial. They have emotional problems like everyone else. They are not weak and frail. They are not lazy and unwilling to change. They are in fact extrememly capable of accomplishing whatever they put their minds too.
So, what is really going on in the addiction process? The addictive behaviors people participate in are not the same as the cause of the addiction. For example: A person who uses heroin is usually referred to as a heroin addict. But the heroin use is just a symptom, just as are cigarettes, food, aberrant sexual behaviors, alcohol, and pain-numbing prescriptions. The cause of the addiction is the drive to find relief from some painful emotion or emotions (Dodes, L. 2002). When the intensity of this drive increases, then the individual becomes more likely to engage in the addictive behavior, which brings a temporary emotional “fix.”
In trying to understand those with Substance Abuse Disorder, people will remind them how terrible their behavior is and ask them questions like: “Don’t you realize what you’re doing to yourself?” or “Don’t you realize what you are doing to others?” People in addictions are most often all too aware of the negative consequences of their behaviors. Feelings of guilt and regret often find a way into their life. They know what’s right and wrong. They know the consequences and have been unable to stop. Why? They haven’t gotten to the root cause.
Even when someone is abstaining from a particular addictive behavior, without getting to the root cause, they are left in a vulnerable state, highly prone to relapse. Taking the drink, or drug, or binging on potato chips, is only the final step in a process of thoughts, behaviors, and feelings. When a person recognizes and knows the various parts of this process, including the key moment when the thought about the addictive act first occurs, it is like waking up to what is really happening, and gives the opportunity to change course. Earlier on in this chain, before the craving grows, the drive to engage in the addictive behavior is less intense. This gives you a better chance to see clearly what is happening and choose to address that issue - lifting the need to engage in the behavior. Here is one illustration of the addiction cycle.
This video explains the cycle of addiction and also the stages of change a person goes through as they enter into the recovery process.
One Woman's Progression of Thinking
Here is the story of a woman named Jill. Jill had been struggling with alcohol addiction for a few years. Her life had become more and more unmanageable. Then, she fell in love, stopped drinking, and got married. She had grown up in a home as the youngest child. Her father was alcoholic, and there was constantly arguing and discord in the house. She desperately wanted there to be peace and took on the role of the peacemaker in the home. Often this meant trying to please others, even at her own expense. During the marriage, she found herself going along with her spouse’s decisions and ideas, even when it wasn’t what she wanted, carrying out the dutiful role she had learned through childhood and adolescence. She became resentful, and thoughts of escaping by going out to the bar to drink and hang out with friends came into her mind.
More and more, she looked to avoid the conflicts, not seeing eye to eye with her husband, which eventually led her to leave the house and head to the local bar where she would order non-alcoholic beer. You see, it wasn’t really the alcohol she was after, but a relief from the intense emotions of helplessness caused from feeling her voice wasn’t being heard or listened to. It wasn’t long though before she started ordering alcoholic drinks. Of course, she felt guilty afterwards. This pattern became re-enforced, her leaving at night, going to drink, and coming home drunk. She would eventually leave her husband and they got divorced.
Her decision to drink began long before she ever took her first sip of alcohol. All the times she had wrestled with resentful thoughts, without addressing the root cause (which was her sense of helplessness to change the situation), the idea of escaping became more and more of a real possibility. What if, at this point, she had mustered up the courage to sit down with her husband and express how she was feeling or find a counselor to talk to? The results could have been dramatically different. As it happened though, this painful reality eventually led to walking out the door of her house. She was escaping those feelings with the intention of going to drink. Just the thought of doing this gave her relief from the emotional pain she was experiencing.
Actions come about from thoughts, feelings, and previous actions.
The thought to engage in addictive behavior
sometimes begins long before ever participating in the act.
Warnings and Triggers
The key moments and signs that people are headed for their addiction is different for everyone. Chances are there is a tendency to conceal or hide within yourself when you are on that path. It is something within yourself though that holds the red flag or warning. Your personal triggers are very much a part of you, and have probably been there for a long time, engrained in your personality. These are how you respond to stressful situations and difficult emotions.
Becoming increasingly aware of when and how you respond to these emotions within yourself is key to breaking the pattern of addiction. Going further into sobriety and doing the essential work needed in recovery you may experience some new and unfamiliar emotions. You also may feel a bit numb and disaffected. Both of these experiences are perfectly normal. It will take time to work through the various steps involved, and to get your bearings. Just breathe and be still - one moment at time.
Suggested Action Step/Reflection
I want you to think of a time when you found yourself engaging in an addictive act and think about the emotions you were experiencing not only during the act, but before. What are the thoughts and events that led up to it? What was the event, conversation, or thought that started you on a path towards this result? Spend at least ten minutes journaling the experience.
Helpful Links
No More Letting Go: The Spirituality of Taking Action Against Alcoholism and Drug Addiction by Debra Jay.