Welcome to day 2 of the First Module of Into the Clear. Let’s talk about commitments. All of us have had varying degrees of success in making New Year’s resolutions. We come to the realization that what we are doing in one or more areas of our life is not working and recognize the need for change. Yet, New Year’s resolutions at our New Year’s Eve celebrations (probably while under the influence) aren’t exactly the breeding ground for lasting positive changes. We soon forget the resolutions made, or turn back after a short period of time because of a little resistance.
Making our commitments last and sticking to our word is about more than being excited in an emotional moment. To truly turn things around we need more than a half-hearted promise to change as we suffer from a hangover. Take the following illustration for example….
…After being slumped over a toilet in a drunken stupor, a person promises to never get drunk again. The proclamation gives some relief from how awful they feel at that moment. Although this conviction may be a start to turning their life around, the feelings of illness and shame will not sustain them in their goal of long-term sobriety.
For the commitment to come from an authentic and honest place they will have to wake up in the morning and reflect soberly on where they have been and what is needed next. They will have to acknowledge their need for help from others and take an honest inventory of where they are. What will be involved in this commitment to remain on a steady course and to not drink or use?
We can see the difference between acting on feelings alone versus genuine convictions in a countless number of ways. Look at this chart which shows some common everyday examples.
|
Need or Circumstance to Act On |
Impulsive Reactions |
Choices Based on Reasonable Responses |
|---|---|---|
| What to Eat? | Fast Food/Sweets | Salad/Vegetables/Protein |
| What to Drink? | Soda/Liquor | Water/Juice |
| Where to Go with Friends? | Local Bar/Party | Hike in Nature/Movie |
| Loss of Job? | Escape through Substance Use | Update Resume and Start Job Search |
| Fight with Spouse/Partner? | Curse and Become Discouraged | Find a Quiet Place to Think and Respond Calmly |
The above are just a few examples to illustrate the difference between reacting impulsively to feelings and reason-based decisions and choices.
Suggested Action Step
Take out a notebook and write down the questions listed on the left side of the above chart. Give your answer/response to each one. Add a few additional questions/situations of your own and consider the different ways you can respond. Take about 5 minutes to go through this exercise.
You can quickly realize there are many occasions where our actions don’t serve us well. They may contribute to an addictive or unbalanced lifestyle. If you want, you can stop and recognize moments where your emotions are getting the best of you (pulling you sideways) and leading you towards a potentially wrong decision. Then, write down the circumstances you are in, what’s happening, and what your emotions are. We will talk more about identifying emotions and responses in the 2nd module on Emotional Intelligence, next week. To be sure, we all have some bad habits that we have formed that lead to negative results, and we can choose to understand and change them!
Sticking to Commitments
The challenge of sticking to commitments and making good, informed decisions can be illustrated with the metaphor of someone standing in a line. We spend a lot of time in this life waiting in lines, whether it be the grocery store, the motor vehicles department, to register for classes, (to blow into a breathalyzer), or a hundred other places that are just simply a part of living in society. It may be a particularly long line, and we may have a long list of things to do and places to be. We get in the line because we need something, or we need to get something accomplished. Maybe the line is moving slower than we expected. Maybe the people around us are agitated. Perhaps we are getting impatient or anxious. Within ourselves, maybe we are demanding that the line move faster. Maybe we start thinking negatively that this is stupid, and do we really need to be here? Perhaps we even consider getting out of the line, walking away from it.
So, what can we do? Can we change how the line is moving? Do we really need to be there? Can we accept how things are and be patient with ourselves and others? Will there be negative consequences if we walk away?
Making commitments to ourselves or others implies that we do our best to work through difficulties and challenges along the way, in order to finish what we started and cross the finish line. We may need help from others. We may need to change the way we are thinking. We may need to develop new skills and abilities, or gain knowledge to get the job done.
Whatever the case may be, we can stand firm in our informed decisions and honor our commitments. Not only is it reflective of a good character and integrity, but it also a huge encouragement knowing we are doing what is right. Of course, if we have made a commitment to something that is harmful to ourselves or others, then we need to consider how to turn away from that and make a healthy commitment in another direction.
Towards the beginning of this lesson we looked at the chart that showed different choices we have in some typical life situations. Let’s look at a video from a Jewish rabbi that gives a great perspective on our motivation for doing good. I think you will like this.
I love the last line the rabbi gives in that video. “Now remember, just breathe.” That’s a good thing to remember. After all, without oxygen, we wouldn’t make it too far! Doing what is right versus what feels good, helps us practice putting principles before personalities. We may have personal preferences and habits that aren’t good for us or others. We can take the time to stop and think about our moment to moment choices before responding. Turning off the computer and going to bed early may not feel good, but we will be more rested and have more energy. Going for a walk in the evening or some other exercise may not be what we feel like doing but will benefit our mind and body. Having a handful of chips instead of the whole bag may not feel good, but we know practicing moderation is important.
There may be some resistance to making changes and commitments, but it is awesome to know that we have a mind that can think reasonably and think things through before acting on it, whatever it is. The mind and the will are beautiful parts of ourselves that we have been given. We can learn to use them well and accomplish anything.
You are honoring your commitment by staying sober today. You are practicing integrity, one step at a time, one day at a time. Remember the words so often quoted in recovery rooms and during life's transitions that has put so many minds at ease.
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Thank you for taking this time to commit to the material. Keep up the good work!
Question for Reflection: What are some things you can do when you feel anxious to come back into a place of serenity and clear thinking?
Helpful Links
Step 2- Alcoholics Anonymous: “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”
The College Geek Podcast - Stop Quitting: How to Stick to Your Goals and Routines (Good Stuff)!!