In rooms of recovery you will often hear people talking about serenity, or the serenity prayer. If this is the first time you have heard the word or you have heard it a thousand times, the essence of it is so meaningful; not just for those in recovery, but for all of us, it is worth looking into it a little deeper.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Each of us has a unique experience with spirituality and religion, and in looking towards a higher power, we can embrace our own personal experience with God as we seek to become stronger and more whole.
The first line of the serenity prayer speaks of
accepting the things we cannot change
There is much in life we have absolutely no control over like the weather, the color of our skin, or the family we are born into. We also know there are natural consequences to actions. If we throw a rock through a window, it will break. If we use harsh words with others, they will get upset. For those suffering from alcoholism or who have a drinking problem, when you have a drink, you will end up having more drinks.
So, with that knowledge, we don’t throw stones, use harsh words, or take even one drink. We also know that we cannot change the actions of others and are not responsible for other’s emotions. We are responsible for our own actions and for our own emotions.
The second line of the serenity prayer
“the courage to change the things I can.”
The Merriam-Webster definition of courage is as follows: mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty. So, this does not say that courage is the absence of fear. It talks of staying strong in the face of it! A person who has made up their mind to go out and take a walk every day, can do so. Or, if you decide to stop cursing and put a quarter in a jar each time you do, that can help change a bad habit. It’s the same for deciding to start treating yourself and your body well; choosing the good, choosing to abstain from drinking, one day at a time.
Deciding to change our lives for the better, we set goals and work towards accomplishing them in each area of our lives:
work
family
education
health
spirituality
Many times, the path toward a goal may not be in a straight line though. There are unexpected twists and turns. Timelines and plans can change. We need to know where to be flexible, and where to stand firm.
This takes us to the third line:
“and the wisdom to know the difference,”
When you have been working on fixing your car all day, and find you need a part you don’t have, when you become frustrated at the bill that just came in the mail with no money to pay it, or when someone says something discouraging to you even when you are trying your best, these are all situations that require wisdom to make a good decision and respond in a positive way. Wisdom can be defined as the ability to make better and better decisions for one’s life. There are many challenges that will humble us, and in embracing humility, we become open and receptive to good counsel. Seeing our situation honestly allows us to make those decisions that bring us forward.
With the mechanic who needs another car part…
Can he change the fact that he needs a specific part?
Can he start searching for a new or used part to replace the broken one?
Can the person who opens the bill change the amount owed by tearing it up and throwing it in the trash?
Can you call the company and communicate your circumstances and your desire to take care of what you owe?
Can you change the attitude of the person who said something offensive to you?
Can you respond in a positive way, by saying something like: “you have the right to your opinion, and I choose to look at it differently?” Or, just walking away? Yes!
The anger, frustration, disappointment, or discomfort we sometimes experience in our day to day lives can get us charged up fast! Here we go again! But, put into the context of the serenity prayer, we stop and think for a moment before reacting.
Can we change this?
Can the problem be avoided somehow?
Is there another solution I haven’t considered?
In all these questions we seek good counsel and look towards a good God who loves us and cares for our future. We are not alone in the struggle! We have within us the ability to tell right from wrong and the ability to discern what is the next right decision for our life.
Let’s watch this humorous yet very insightful video on the serenity prayer by the Skit Guys
What did you learn from the video?
Would you like more serenity in you life?
This powerful illustration and roleplay of the elements of the serenity prayer show us some of the emotional and spiritual truths that we can experience in dealing with trials and difficulties in life, and with seeking wisdom and understanding. Without wisdom we are left to our own devices and manipulation, which have and always will bring us down the wrong path.
The Skit Guys talked about a hush and a pause in entering into serenity. Often, taking a deep breath and pausing to deflate and diffuse a charged situation and emotions allows us to reflect more calmly and not be anxious and afraid.
Suggested action step
Take a few hours, or even a day if you can, to go to a place that brings you peace, and comfort. You don’t have to have a specific agenda of what to do when you go there, just go with the intention of staying in the moment and being at peace. Perhaps it is somewhere in nature where you can sit or walk. Maybe it’s a museum that you enjoy, or maybe it’s going to see an old friend that was a good influence on you in the past. Whatever you choose, don’t worry about having any particular kind of experience, just go, and experience the serenity you find. Changing the wallpaper can go a long way in renewing our mindset.
Question for Reflection: What are some places you could go to find peace and practice serenity?
Helpful Links
The Serenity Prayer: A Simple Prayer to Enrich Your Life by Trevor Hudson