People Who Are Happy
Have you ever been around people who always appear to be happy, genuinely happy? They have a carefree sense of life and seem to role with the punches with ease and grace. On the other hand, have you ever thought of how superficial and unrealistic those people must be, always walking around with a smile on their face? Well, we have all met people who put on a mask of happiness even though it is obvious that they are angry or upset about their life underneath. Then of course there are those that seem to be always sad, angry, and upset, and want the entire world to know about it.
Be on the Watch for Conflict
My experience of life has taught me that when things are good, be on the watch for trials and turns up ahead, and when things are not going well, be on the lookout for good things and a positive change coming. Life is full of conflict, and conflict is normal to life, as we will explore in a later module.
Remember our Struggles and How They Felt
Most of us have experienced at least a small degree of hardship, and many of us a large amount of loss, disappointment, and uphill struggles. Do you remember a time when you went through a battle, and made it to the top of the mountain victorious? Do you remember how that felt? Or maybe someone you know has overcome great adversity, and come out on top? True joy and happiness are not living life in total comfort without any conflict. It is a deep peace and confidence within knowing that when struggles come, there is a way through and a way to deal with the pain. It is being open to seeing life’s beauty and the goodness of creation. People I have met that are full of joy all have one common characteristic, and that is gratitude. They are grateful for all that is in their life, good or bad, and have a sense of being on a journey, always learning something new each day.
Habits of Joyful People
Anne Barab wrote a very interesting post about the habits of joyful people called the 7 Habits of Joyful People. It is worth reading! She suggests concentrating on just one of these habits for 21 days and integrating it into your life. I bet there will be some really interesting results for many of you! I will paraphrase and summarize her 7 habits here, and you can follow the link at the end of today’s lesson to read the whole article if you like.
- Decide to be Joyful- Sometimes you gotta fake it until you make it. Joy comes from within and reaches out to all areas of our lives giving love, peace, and contentment. Joy is given a vehicle through relationships and meaningful work. We can choose to bring energy and passion to each of our days.
- Be Patient- A lot of anger and disappointment in life comes out of impatience; when expectations are not met, and when others do not act as we want them to. Patience is the secret seasoning for joy.
- Be Positive- This is also a choice. It is human nature for the mind to notice what is negative about people, places, and events. It takes no skill. You could use your intellect to look for the good in others. Always looking for the bad ends up in depression and angst. Seeking the good leads to joy, thanksgiving and contentment.
- Listen with Your Heart- Mother Teresa said, “I look though their eyes down into their heart to see the greatest need of the person standing before me, and if it is within my power, I grant it.” Stephen Covey said, “Seek first to understand, and then to be understood.” Anne Barb says, “Give the gift of listening with your heart.” It takes your focus off yourself and frees you to make the world a better place.
- Forgive- We create our own unhappiness with our JUNK: Judgments, Unforgiveness, Negativity and Know-it-all-ness. To generate internal, self-perpetuating joy you must let go of your JUNK. These four culprits are the biggest obstacles to happiness.
- Be Grateful- I knew gratitude would make the list here somewhere. Here’s what she has to say. Unhappiness homes in on what we think is missing, what you don’t have that you think will make you happy. Joy lies in treasuring the small stuff and being grateful for all you already have.
- Grow in Wisdom- Acquiring mastery in life involves learning various skills. The Universe offers you daily lessons through the ebb and flow of events. Are you listening to these divine nudges? Each of us has various purposes in this life here on earth. How can we live in a way that is consistent with that?
Suggested Action Step
Write down five different things you are grateful for every day. It trains your mind to look for the good. Gratitude will change your life. Get out your journal in the morning, afternoon, or night, and write down five things you are grateful for. It may be a repeat from the day before or be entirely new things. Being more conscious of what you are grateful for each day can make a world of difference in a person’s life. If you do this for the next 21 days, making your short gratitude list, being more conscious of what you have already, what can you expect the result to be?
What Happy Looks Like to Different People
There are different things that make people happy. Acquiring the skills by developing the habits listed above would be a great place to jumpstart the happiness in your life. If you ask 20 people what they think would make them happy, or what actually makes them happy there would be perhaps 2 very different lists. For example, having a few million dollars might give the perception of happiness, but is it reality? Others might think that if they had less responsibility and could travel wherever they wanted might make them happy? Is that really true?
There is a great documentary entitled Happy by Academy Award nominated director Roko Belic. The movie explores different people in different parts of the world from a variety of economic classes, in an attempt to discover the true meaning of happiness, and perhaps discover what true happiness isn’t as well. If you have the opportunity to watch this documentary, it is sure to leave you with some new perspective, and maybe even leave you feeling pretty happy too!! Watch this movie!
The happiness found by the characters in the movie is more equated with joy don’t you think? It is a more permanent state of being rather than a passing feeling.
Joy vs. Happiness
It has been said that happiness is an inch deep and a mile wide, and that joy is a mile deep and a mile wide. It’s important to not get caught up in chasing dreams of materialism and status. They are empty shells that promise the world and cannot deliver.
Watch This Video - which shows our inner pursuit of happiness.
Stop chasing the next happiness fix! You can run and run and run. You can keep busy and check off all the boxes every day. You can search for ways to fill the void. This says to stop. Stop running and experience joy. Allow joy to come in and take you by the hand.
How is joy similar to slowing down to meet life on new ground?
Can you practice the serenity prayer, stopping to pause and hush before entering into that quietness?
The Healing Process
It is important to remember that if you have been drinking or using for a while now, there is a healing process that needs to take place. There is a healing process in our brains. Our ability to experience intense joys and pleasure while sober may need time to heal also. There is a common experience while in the early days of recovery of life being a bit boring, or not feeling too many highs or lows. Just know that you are not alone in this, and that it's normal. Be patient with yourself and continue to be encouraged knowing that you are doing good and staying sober one day at a time.
Question for Reflection: How can you stop running and enter into joy?
Helpful Links
The Happy Movie - Enjoy!!
Anne Barab Article