Introduction
How important is it for you to work at having a good relationship with the people around you? How often do we walk away or avoid moments to engage with spouses, siblings, and parents? Is it to avoid conflict? Are we too busy? Perhaps with the most important things we figure there’s plenty of time to speak our peace and mind. Maybe you used to tell your family how much you loved them in the past but feel you’ve outgrown that now. You’re an adult.
Oh, they know how I feel. I don’t need to tell them all the time.
Even if they do know, they may need to hear it. Making that conscious connection with your loved ones on a regular basis is vital and strengthening.
Power in Agreement
When people come into agreement one with another, there is power. Often discord wins though when resentments and other unresolved matters between people aren’t talked about. Just being silent and avoiding won’t move you past the problems.
These things do need to be talked about. Two people may disagree with each other over a critical issue, say money or children, for example. After this has gone on for a while, they may agree to finally sit down and really listen to one another to
clarify both sides. This takes maturity. Just agreeing to calmly listen is in itself unifying. This begins the process.
The Art of Listening
There is a difference between hearing sounds with our ears, exercising one of the five senses, and listening to another person or nature with the ears of our hearts. Coming into a place where you are able to hear one another’s hearts with your heart of empathy and caring is not only a way to have fulfilling and healthy relationships, but you can understand what other people really need and want.
Let’s listen to a Ted Talk that focuses on listening titled: The Power of Listening by William Ury.
What if we taught our children to listen from an early age?
Could arguments and even wars be prevented if humans went into negotiations with the idea of listening?
William Ury says that: “listening can be a chain reaction that grows. Give others your full attention and hear the human being behind their words.”
Say What You Need to Say
The important things people need to say to one another within families are either reflecting love and support, fear and resentment, or are meant to establish clear boundaries. Remember the person who comes home drunk and runs over their neighbors flowerbed from the Importance of Relationships Module? The woman whose flowers are now crushed stomps over and knocks on the door the next morning to express that she expects the other person to be accountable for their actions (even though they may not remember well what happened).
The conflict could have been avoided altogether. But now that it’s happened there must be conflict resolution. When someone has wronged you in some way and you aren’t able to let it go, or if it continues happening like a pattern it is important to speak up and tell them how you feel. They may not like it, but it is important you say what you need to say.
With listening being established as the good foundation for interacting with others, we can speak our hearts more clearly. They will be far more receptive to our needs and desires when we are carefully listening to them and theirs.
Suggested Action Step
Think if there is a family member or friend you would like to share more with in general or about something specific that has been difficult to talk about. Go talk to them with the idea of just hearing them out. Find out what they need and how they feel. When you sense they are receptive to genuinely hearing you, then share what’s on your heart. Don’t go into the conversation with a specific goal in mind just listen and share. Perhaps this will open the way for more conversations and a deepening and strengthening of the relationship.
Sharpen Your Listening Skills with Music
Music has a way of tuning in our ears! To add to another media element to the lesson today try listening to Samuel Barber’s Adagio for Strings. Some of you may not be used to listening to classical music. Just close your eyes and listen for the changes in mood and tone. You can even imagine yourself in a particular place while listening. This is one of my favorite pieces of classical music! Listen as the tension slowly builds.
Helpful Links - Listen Now
Adagio for Strings by Samuel Barber
Reflection Question
Journal your experience with the listening conversation in the suggested action step or your experience listening to Samuel Barber’s Adagio for Strings.