Introduction
The beautiful smiles of children bring a breath of fresh air to the world. Without their innocence and loving hearts “civilization” would be in even more trouble than it already is. There is nothing more important than protecting them. Considering children’s needs and putting their needs above our own, helps build their trust towards those who care for them, strengthening their hearts and minds.
The Burden of Addiction on Children
One thing addiction and Substance Abuse Disorder does is put burdens on children. By its nature, the demands of addiction brings people to a place of selfishness. In active addiction, gaining comfort and feeding the addictive drive takes priority, pushing other needs out, including the spiritual and emotional needs of children. The good news is, those burdens can be lifted off. If the parent is willing to stop using and engaging in the addictive attitudes and behaviors, healing and restoration can take place. This may take some time. The time it takes is worth it!
Watch Video Now - on how children are impacted by a parent’s addiction.
In what ways can you relate to their story in the video?
Do you agree with the brother who said no one is attacking the problem with compassion?
What are steps you can make to heal relationships that may have been damaged or broken?
A New Standard
Not all of us have children. Those of us that do understand that life will never be the same again! Suddenly, there is another human being’s needs that takes priority over your own. This converts into a very different way of thinking. When considering how to spend your “extra” time, you quickly realize much of that will be spent nurturing and providing for the demands of your child or children. Not that you won’t have some focused “you” time for yourself or your spouse. Strong boundaries will help regulate the families growing emotional system.
Life Tip: Even though children become the priority within the family, it doesn’t mean they are the center of the family. Appeasing their every desire to keep them quiet or stop their complaining only feeds into the problem. Clear structure, discipline and support are all needed for proper balance. This balance will greatly improve as a direct result of you, as a parent, finding that structure and discipline. Consistency and flexibility will work together for the good of all. Before pointing the finger at them, check your own motives.
Caught Smoking Behind the House
About 9 years ago when I was first coming onto the ground of sobriety, I was still a little shaky. I was actively sober and not using drugs or alcohol. My concern for my children had become my greatest priority in life, except when it wasn’t. I was still smoking cigarettes. I didn’t want them to know it. 
But kids are smart and pay excellent attention to detail. By the time my oldest was 4 years old, he was very good at keeping track of where dad was and what he was doing. I would sneak out to the back of the house and go around to the side yard where I thought I was out of site. I could sneak in a quick smoke and my kids would not be the wiser.
But then, much to my own disappointment and shame, I saw a little face pressed up against the glass of the bedroom window. He had found an angle to catch a glimpse of me—smoke pouring out of my mouth, looking quite childish.
Walking the Talk
I really did want to do right by my children. I wanted them to have a great example of how to grow, live, and make wise decisions. I knew I had some really good qualities, experiences and the ability to teach them. I had to be consistent though. I had to be willing to walk my talk. Hypocrisy had no place in this new dynamic of parenting. Do what I say, not what I do?? Why did I ever allow it such a significant place in my life at all?
Now, 14 years into parenting and 9+ years into sobriety I can see how coming into agreement with my beliefs and being true and consistent with actions allows my children to fall in line behind me. They can look up to a parent who they trust has their best interests at heart. I am transparent about my mistakes from the past and the character flaws I am still working on. Even though I have experienced much reform and transformation, I will never be anything close to perfect. They know they are loved. They want to put their best food forward, but they don’t feel the need to be perfect or the drive to constantly prove themselves worthy.
Question for Reflection. What are 3 ways you can intentionally increase the quality of time you spend with your children? If you do not have children, what are 3 ways you can intentionally improve your life that will positively affect future generations?
Helpful Links
Practical Recovery Tips for Parents
https://www.practicalrecovery.com/parenting-101-how-to-be-the-best-parent-you-can/