You have been making changes through this corrective course of the 24/7 Sobriety Success Educational Series which gives the framework and structure needed to put sobriety at the top of your priorities list. Today we will look at different types of boundaries that aid in continued growth, strong family dynamics, and personal peace. First, we can look at physical boundaries.
Physical Boundaries
One of the most obvious boundaries is the boundary of our skin. Our skin serves as a barrier from the external world. We could not live without it! Our skin is a physical boundary that filters and keeps out toxins in the environment. Oh, by the way, one of the benefits to stopping drinking and sobriety is that your skin health will improve! The toxins will begin to leave your skin. You will have smoother, tighter skin with less blemishes. The way you look will improve with sobriety. Something to look forward to!
Physical boundaries clarify structure. They give us a clear sense of what we are responsible for taking care of for example: our bedroom, apartment, or home is our responsibility to clean and maintain. Perhaps we have a yard that has grass that needs cutting and watering on a regular basis. Fences separate property lines.
Actress Rachelle Dart demonstrated a version of this improvisational role play on boundaries (which I am adapting) using the following: This is an example of a physical boundary being disrespected.
Scene: Let’s say you pulled into your driveway one night, perhaps after a trip to the bar, and by accident parked too far over landing in your neighbor’s flowerbed, oops! You may have not even been aware of it! Well, the next day you get an angry knock on the door with them demanding an explanation.
“You want to tell me what happened last night?!!”
“What do you mean?” (last night was a little fuzzy).
“You parked your truck in my flowerbed!!#$”
After looking outside, to your amazement, you see that it is true! (Flowers crushed into the ground with large truck tire treads). 
You have obviously crossed a boundary line. Or perhaps it’s the other way around. Perhaps someone else landed on your property destroying your flowers. The boundary violation will be an opportunity for you to deal with conflict and find a peaceful resolution. You will have to ask for forgiveness and make amends or be willing to forgive the other person and work with them in replanting the flowers.
Physical boundaries are so important. It is through our personal physical boundaries we determine who we will allow to make physical contact with us or not. Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend wrote a best-selling book that has sold over two million copies titled Boundaries. They go into great detail not only about physical boundaries, but mental, emotional, and spiritual boundaries as well. We tend to respect the physical boundaries pretty well. When playing sports for example, if we step outside the white line on the football field, the referee blows the whistle, and play stops. “Out of bounds.” It’s the violations of boundaries within human relationships that have often gone without serious consequences (Cloud and Townsend, 1992). Dr. Henry Cloud gives us wisdom and insight into the world of boundaries in the workplace and with relationships. Having a greater understanding about these crucial boundary laws will go a long way towards our own personal success. Enjoy the videos!
Watch Videos Now
(Part 1)
(Part 2)
These two videos are the first 2 parts of 5. Please feel free to continue on that path and watch the other three.
Do you set regular goals for yourself?
What makes it difficult to reach goals?
How can attending help you reach your goals?
Attending and Inhibiting
What an awesome awareness Dr. Cloud brings us! He discusses how our brains work, and how we can go from ideas that are just fantasy and will never actually happen, to following through on a vision that will become a reality. One very important factor he mentions, and the first way for us to get there, or help someone else get there is to attend. Attending is keeping the goal, the idea we have, the vision in front of us. Staying focused on the goal and keeping it in front of us today and tomorrow will build momentum. The next step in finding success and reaching the goal is to inhibit. When we are driving to the 7-11, we are staying within our lane, and keeping our focus on the road ahead. We are blocking out any other distractions. We certainly are not texting and driving!
Multitasking
Dr. Townsend talks about the illusion of multi-tasking. He uses the example of computers. Computers don’t actually do multiple things at the same time, rather they switch back and forth really fast between tasks. It’s the same with us. We don’t do multiple things at the same time, we do one thing, then another.
If you are spending 15 minutes deep in thought while working on your resume, or filling out a job application online, and then you hear a (((ping))) and go and check your email, that could cost you much more than the one minute it takes to check and read through the email. When you switch your train of thought, you then need to switch back, and your brain needs to re-adjust to the job application. It may be more like losing fifteen or twenty minutes, not just one. Staying with a task until it is finished, attending to that task with your whole focus, and inhibiting or blocking out distractions is key.
Conclusion
As these truths of how our brains work and can process information are acknowledged and practiced, the energy and efforts we put out will not get wasted but will contribute to success, staying with and reaching goals. The garden we are growing will produce fruit. We will have good things to share with others. If the garden of our thoughts, and actions are distracted, and the good vision we have for our lives is not properly attended to, then the little we have we will lose. We will be in a place of lacking, and deficiency.
If we are attending to priorities and what matters most to us, then chances are our truck (or car) will not end up on top of our neighbor’s flower garden. Practicing self-control will allow us to avoid being tangled up in bad situations. We will make good decisions for ourselves and/or our family, and we will not get wrapped up in the bad decisions of others. We will not try to rescue others from their anger but will let them take responsibility for their own emotions and actions.
The physical, emotional, and spiritual boundaries that are in place in and around us are for our benefit and the benefit of others. Being free to choose the direction of our lives and do what we want is natural. Doing that without structure and clear boundaries though is a recipe for heartache, hardship, and self-destruction! Attending to our priorities and considering others around us will let that freedom soar in a loving and fruitful way.
Remember to stay focused on what is most important and block out any distractions that might interrupt you from keeping that focus. Thanks for your attention to today’s lesson. Remember, flower gardens are to be watered and cared for. Keep your truck in the driveway, and your attention on the goal.
Question for Reflection: Do you recall a time someone wronged you? Were you able to forgive them? Is there someone you have wronged that you need to ask forgiveness from?
Helpful Links
Boundaries by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend
https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/117013FC-6C55-4118-A67E-4B52671CB677
Made for Freedom: Loving, Defending and Living God's Gift by Jutta Burgraff