Ok, take a deep breath and breath it out….do that a few more times! Learning and practicing healthy relationship skills takes work and is an ongoing process. It will be helpful to review this week’s module one day at a time. Let’s dive in. First, here is step 9 which we mostly covered yesterday. Step 8 was being willing to make amends. Step 9 is actually making the amends.
Step 9 – A.A. – “Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. In this step, as the book says, you will need a careful sense of timing, courage, and prudence.
Day 1- Introduction
- We live in relationship with others- family, friends, peers, and colleagues. We receive joy when we are able to share our experiences with them openly.
- The love and work of therapy animals breaks us out of the island of separation that is so common not only with addictive patterns but in our modern world!
- Peace within ourselves is dependent upon allowing change to take place.
- Jordan Peterson teaches us to reward others for their good behavior. Learning to show others how to train us (still working on that one)!
- Having supportive relationships is a key to maintaining sobriety.
- The need to establish healthy boundaries
“I was so emotionally dependent on receiving affirmations from the person
I was with, that I would stop seeking truth and growth on my own.”
Day 2- Navigating Peer Pressure
- There is a tendency to blend with others, blurring our own beliefs and values.
- Importance of surrounding ourselves with people who are understanding about the positive changes we are making. Good friends will be supportive!
- You are responsible for telling peers that you are not hanging out going to bars or drinking/using anymore.
- Transitions to a new scene or living environment (or staying in the old one), with a lack of knowledge is a real threat for fulfilling the goals we set for ourselves.
- Benefitting from cultural diversity. Putting aside what we “think” we know about people and learning who they really are and what they love.
- Taking a keen (sharp, clear, intentional) interest in the lives of other people who are living in a healthy way and/or are in recovery, walking the talk!
Day 3- The Healthy Use of Electronics
- Our need for technology is not going away! It is integrated into the world of education, health care, social networking, entertainment, and recovery!
- Practicing good habits with our hand-held devices. Limits, boundaries. Staying aware of our physical and mental health (good eating habits, sleep patterns!).
- With the sharp tool of the internet at our fingertips, staying in personal integrity (the cornerstone of character) is vital.
- Learned about Dr. Lisa Strohman and the Digital Citizens Academy. How brains and behaviors are affected by constant engagement of being online. Link between depression and this constant engagement in children and adults (italics my own).
- Our digital footprint has far-reaching effects.
- Developing the art of face-to-face conversation.
- Identifying the most important work-place skills.
Oral communication skills
The ability to collaborate and work with groups (even people we do not like).
- Unplugging or disconnecting from devices to connect. ‘Lessons from Summer Camp!’
- Being accountable to others to prevent engaging in pornographic or overly violent material.
Day 4- The Power of Groups and Seeking good Council
- Hearing the experience, strength, and hope of others (remember 2 ears, 1 mouth).
- Telling your story and hearing the stories of others is powerful.
- Step 5 A.A. “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact nature of our wrongs.”
- Sobering wake-up calls (testimonial video from Susan and Graham).
Importance of being honest, open, and willing to change.
Commitment of sobriety and avoiding using or being around other people who do.
- Realizing that it takes time for people to trust you again. Being sober is not an instant fix for relationships.
Day 5- Healthy Boundaries
- Different types of boundaries that aid in continued growth, strong family dynamics, and personal peace.
- Physical Boundaries like the skin and fences for the body and our homes.
- Continued sobriety will improve your skin’s health!
- Physical boundaries clarify structure and what we are responsible for.
- Respecting others physical boundaries and emotional ones.
- Digital boundaries-staying focused on attending to our goals and vision. Also, protecting (or inhibiting) distractions from attending!
“Staying with a task until it is finished
and attending to that task with your whole focus,
and inhibiting or blocking out distractions is key.”
-Jordan Peterson
- Physical, emotional, and spiritual boundaries that are in place in and around us are for our benefit and the benefit of others!
Day 6- Forgiveness, Humility, and Amends
- Finally, yesterday, we explored forgiveness, humility, and a willingness to make amends. This involved the releasing of resentments. In order to release our resentments, we need to be responsible to deal with our own shortcomings and flaws and not point the finger at other people for our problems
- Steps 6 and 7 – A.A. - Willingness to have our shortcomings removed and asking Him to remove them.
- Being vulnerable to ask for forgiveness is not weakness but strength!
- Watched the Step 8 video and learned that making amends to repair broken relationships is about more than simply saying sorry. It is doing what is possible to make things right.
Conclusion
Addictions and even bad habits can steal the love and joy that we are intended to experience in this life. Each day, with accountability, we can choose to experience life on life’s terms, without drugs and alcohol. Healing, renewal, restoration, responsibility, joy, peace, and a bright future are born and made on the dry ground of sobriety. We are not an island unto ourselves but live in community with others. The rich and beautiful relationships we form are a gift. Each decision to stay the course, to choose the good, and to consider others, brings you strength in your walk and your walk with others. Walk in that strength! You are worth it!
Question for Reflection: How would you say that addictions have most changed your relationships? Being sober, are you better able to see what you need to work on to improve the relationships that are most important to you?