Introduction
One truly beneficial opportunity we have in recovery is working with groups. Support groups, group therapy, counseling, or sharing, can be an amazing experience. We get to hear the experiences, strength, and hope of others who are going through similar challenges as we are. We also get to hear the important stories of hurt, failure, and disappointments. After becoming sober and beginning my road to recovery, I started working with a variety of support groups. This gave me structure, a touchstone group, and access to a world of information that I desperately needed. Much to my surprise, I wasn’t the only one going through recovery! Somehow, I thought I was the only one suffering and struggling with addiction. Don’t listen to the lie. You aren’t alone, and there is no shame in bringing your struggles and need for information and tools to others in a group, and to individual people who may serve as sponsors, professional counselors, and spiritual leaders.
Step 5 of Alcoholics Anonymous says the following:
“Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being,
the exact nature of our wrongs.”
This step has been truly freeing and encouraging for me! Having taken the time to reflect on the nature and details of my wrongs in the 4th step where I made a fearless and searching moral inventory, I now had the opportunity be open with another person about those wrongs. You can choose who this person is. You may take this step before or after you begin group work.
Telling Your Story
Telling your story and hearing the stories of others is powerful. We talked about sharing our experiences and milestones back in the beginning of these lessons in week one (learning to ride a bike, discovering new wisdom). It is within our nature to share with others, both the good and the bad. Long-term sobriety is achievable if you are willing to do the work. You will hear some amazing speakers telling of lives before addiction, how they came to be sober, and their lives after. You will be amazed at how much perspective you can gain by listening to others. Here is the story of Susan and Graham, a couple who has struggled with addiction, incarceration, and recovery.
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The testimony and experience of these two highlights the importance of being open, honest, supportive, and willing to change. Graham had some sobering wakeup calls being put in prison first for a few days, and then for 6 months. The conditions there were shocking to him. Some of you have been incarcerated and are trying to stay out of jail and prison.
Graham didn’t want to use the possibility of relapse as a crutch. He had tried to remain sober and was drawn back into the addictive behaviors again and again. Yet, he managed to finally choose sobriety avoiding using, and other people who were using. The clear boundaries that he was drawing were a big part of his transformation and ability to maintain sobriety. Being open and sharing with groups of his experiences, feelings, and hopes were also a major contributor to going forward.
Giving Others Time
Here in the learning module on relationships there is one further point that we can bring out from Graham’s testimony. 
When he chose sobriety, and was getting his life back on track, he wanted the family and friend relationships that had been stressed and strained to instantly be reconciled. He thought that he was sober now, and everyone should be forgiving right away and understanding to what he was now going through. He realized in his words, that “it didn’t quite work that way.” It took time for people to realize that he had changed and could trust him again. The beautiful healing of his family relationships did take place though as we saw in the photographs with his parents and siblings. It is remarkable to see someone who has gone through so much struggle with addiction come clean and start life fresh.
Susan mentioned that more than 25 million people in America are in recovery from drug and alcohol use and that each one of us has a unique story to tell. Not everyone will be understanding, and some people will take time to come around, but if we are committed to sobriety, then the chaotic and unmanageable lives we were in the middle of before can become peaceful, filled with hope, and without shame in telling others about it.
Connecting with a Recovery Group
So, have you found a good group meeting to attend? Have you looked? There are all sorts of groups to attend at community centers, churches, rehabilitation centers, and many more places. Do you know 1 or 2 people that have been to meetings that can recommend a place and time? Talk to them. Tell them you would like to go, that sobriety is really important to you, and you realize now that sharing in groups will help. You can also go to the 247 Sobriety Success web site to find local meetings in your area. Click on the state that you live in and find the city closest to you.
When attending meetings, you can just listen at first until you feel more comfortable sharing. Or, you can open up right away. It is important to follow the steps, and not rush through them. Finding a sponsor or counselor who can come along side you in this is very helpful. A good sponsor can be a key part of your recovery, so having a few guidelines in choosing one is good. Recovery.org offers some key things to consider.
Tips in Finding a Sponsor (recovery.org)
- First choose a sponsor that is the same gender as yourself. You don’t want to get into a romantic relationship the first year of recovery as we talked about earlier. This can help ensure that your focus in early recovery is on just that, recovery.
- They also suggest that you have a short list of questions for a potential sponsor.
Have you worked the 12 steps or another recovery program?
Do you have a sponsor?
Does your sponsor allow you to sponsor others?
You want to work with someone who has worked the steps and has a considerable amount of sobriety under their belt, at least 1 year.
- Consider the person’s personality. Are they a happy or joyful person? Not that their life has to be all roses and sunshine, but they should have at least some joy in their life and be able to smile at life each day. Also, consider whether you can relate to them. If you are having trouble relating to them, that could actually be a good thing! You want someone who has left the shore that you are on and has made it to the other side in the recovery process. They will better be able to see where you are and offer suggestions and guidance (recovery.org). You do not want a sponsor who is on the same shore as you are.
- The 4th consideration is the number of sponsees the person has. If they have quite a few people they are sponsoring, that is generally good. But, if they have too many, that may spread them out too thin. You want someone who can give you focused attention. Not that they will be available all the time and give you every ounce of their energy to ensure your successful sobriety though! It’s a good thing to consider.
- Is the person you are considering as a sponsor involved in service work? Do they welcome newcomers? Do they volunteer their time in any way? Giving back to others gives people in recovery a peace and satisfaction. Something they never had in active addiction. Do they enjoy seeing other people succeed? If so, that is a good sign.
Conclusion
To come out into the open with your past wrongs, fears, alcohol and drug use, and other conduct, recovery rooms, professional counselors, pastors and priests are wonderful places for guidance and support. These programs and others help facilitate establishing clear boundaries and help you work through to the root causes of addiction. That is what this educational series is all about - getting to root causes and being connected in community. Being in community while rebuilding your life and finding ways to give back to others will bring much needed balance.
Also seeking out the counsel of a priest or pastor in your local church is a resource that some overlook. Gaining spiritual guidance on matters of forgiveness, making amends, healthy relationships, connecting with God (our higher power), and so much more can be found there.
Here are some great recovery quotes to finish today’s material.
“I avoid looking forward or backward and try to keep looking upward.” – Charlotte Brontë
“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second-best time is now.” – Chinese proverb
“Sometimes you can only find Heaven by slowly backing away from Hell.” – Carrie Fisher
“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” – Theodore Roosevelt
“Nothing is impossible; the word itself says, ‘I’m possible!’” – Audrey Hepburn
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out.” – Robert Collier
“When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.” – Henry Ford
“If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” – Zen proverb
“Though no one can go back and make a brand-new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand-new ending.” – Carl Bard
“I hated every minute of training, but I said, ‘Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.’” – Muhammad Ali
“If things go wrong, don’t go with them.” – Roger Babson
“Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“When the past calls, let it go to voicemail. Believe me, it has nothing new to say.” – Unknown
(https://www.addiction.com/7215/70-best-quotes-for-addiction-recovery/)
Question for Reflection: How has your life changed as a result of being involved with a support group? If you haven't had the opportunity to share in this way, are you open to giving it a try? What may be holding you back?
Helpful Links
Understanding Gender Roles in Relationships
Help in Choosing a Sponsor
https://www.recovery.org/5-things-to-consider-when-choosing-an-aa-sponsor/